The retail associate's letter

Dear customer,

  I wrote you this letter because, I couldn't tell you how I felt when at work, because I need this damn job right now. But check it out, you don't run shit in the store, and you dnt own shit, nothin, and ya ass is most definitely not always right. (I dnt know abt the grammar on that one but oh well). I hate when you come in the store and let you lil wild ass kids just run loose and tear shit up in the store, while yo ass on the phone, talkin, drinkin coffee and shit. Get cha got damn kids.

To you, customer who always wants a discount, who the fuck are you? To even get a discount. Why do you think you should get a discount? What have you done to deserve one? NO YOU CAN'T HAVE A GOT DAMN DISCOUNT! EVER! Come back when we have a sale.

To you, the "they have this cheaper at Walmart" customer. TAKE YO ASS TO WALMART THEN, OF COURSE IT'S CHEAP AT WALMART, IT'S FUCKING WALMART!!! You're really supposed to go to Walmart and say you found something cheaper somewhere else, now you're winning .

To you, the "what's your return policy while your shopping" customer. Why the hell are you shopping for some shit and already thinkin about returnin it? Just don't buy the shit and find somethin better with ya cheap ass. (I'm cheap sometimes too though, but I know I wanna buy it, I just don't wanna pay for it).

To you, the "can I open this and try it out" customer. Yea you can open it and try it out right after you BUY THAT SHIT!!!

To you the customer that's just angry for no reason, I dnt give a fuck if you're mad, bitch I'm at work, I'm mad too, so let's make this shit go as quick as possible.

To you the customer that calls on the phone that wants to know if we have something before you come in. Yea we probably got it, but hell naw I can't check, roll the dice and bring yo ass in, like everybody else that's buying the same shit ur asking for while you're on the phone.

To you the customer that needs directions. Two words: GOOGLE MAPS. I'm pretty sure u looked the number up on the internet and it gives you the address, and the damn directions right there in the same place.

To you the "overly talkative" customer. I'm not ur friend and I dnt like ur stories. Just tell me what the hell you want and keep it movin.

To you the customer that like to come in 10 mins before close and walk around like we just opened. Dammit we bout to close, if you come in you better know EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT, AND KNOW WHERE IT IS IN THE STORE. (Ten minutes before close we singing "no new customers, homie we dont feel dat").

Now to you the customer that is actually a good customer. I appreciate you and its actually a pleasure to help you, come back and see us. For the rest of you other customers "Fuck you very much, have a nice day"

                                  Sincerely your's,
                            The Angry Associate